I’m okay.

I’m okay not because it’s Tuesday morning and I’m cuddling my cat while listening to my favorite band blare through the speakers (even though that would be a great reason), but I’m okay because last night, for the first time in a long time, I had a break-down. An emotional breakdown.

I know what you’re thinking, “You sure you’re okay?” –and with good reason to question. But, yes. I’m more than okay.

My breakdown was everything I didn’t realize I needed.

Here’s why:

For the past few weeks, I’ve been…busy. That doesn’t sound too much of a reason to lose your emotional cool on a Monday night, but see, like I mentioned in a previous stress post, I don’t do too well with too much on my plate. When juggling a few different tasks, I become over-zealous and let myself go completely…I put my everything into whatever I am doing. That could essentially be a good thing, but when I put all my [limited] energy into tasks, my energy naturally drains. And when I start to drain without re-fueling, I lose it. Literally.

How silly would it be if we never filled our gas tanks when we ran out of fuel? Imagine if we just continued to drive until our cars stopped, and then resulted to pushing our vehicle to the next destination? First of all, we’d be exhausted, sweating, late everywhere, and in pain. Let’s not fail to mention that it would defeat the entire purpose of us owning a car in the first place.

Well, in the same exact way, if I’m not filling my tank spiritually…I find myself living each day as if I’m pushing my own life-load—forcibly struggling to get myself to my next location, instead of sitting inside my mode of transport as it comfortably takes me.

Sometimes, the biggest barrier between me and God is my busyness. I get so busy doing my own thing—running to here, pouring myself out there, that the little needle in my spiritual gas-tank is slowly making it’s way to E, and instead of getting myself some time alone to re-connect and re-fuel, I am stubbornly choosing to start pushing instead.

Time for myself and for God has become almost non-existent lately. Every night as I get into bed, and every morning as I wake up, the first thing that’s popped into my head has been my need to feed my spiritual appetite. “Thank you for this day, Lord,” is my initial thought as I begin to pray, but after about 30 seconds, all the things that need to get done for the day start invading my mind like a mental terrorist attack. Before I know it, I’m racing out of bed to get ready. “I’ll find time to find rest in You, tonight, God.” As 10 p.m. rolls around, my eyes are fighting to stay open and I find myself making more empty promises.

It wasn’t too long of trying to run on empty before my spiritual hunger was roaring like a deprived lion. Have you ever been hangry? This happens to me all the time. It’s been so many hours since I’ve eaten, that I’m not even hungry anymore…my hunger has graduated to anger. I’m stinking hangry. Well, just like you can become hangry physically, you can darn well become hangry spiritually.

The busyness, the hanger, the pushing my own life-load…it finally all caught up to me last night. During a mini-tantrum, and my feeling that “I just couldn’t” anymore, the Lord gently reminded me, “Cast your anxieties on Me. I care for you.” (1 Peter 5:7). He reminded me that I wasn’t designed to carry my life-load on my own—it’s too heavy. I’m meant to let Him carry it. I’m meant to give Him my anxieties, my struggles, even my thanksgivings. But most importantly, I’m meant to give Him my most precious possession—my time.

What’s the best part about giving God my time? I get fulfillment, satisfaction, peace and joy in return. Oh, what a glorious trade.

Have you found yourself hangry, exhausted, trekking through mud lately? Has your attitude been one that makes everyone around you, heck, even you, cringe? Well maybe it’s time to fill up that tank or indulge in that meal…the spiritual one. Maybe it’s time to stop carrying that load. Maybe it’s time to trade in your time for some peace of mind. Maybe your quick prayers and speedy devotionals have only been small appetizers for the full meal your soul has been longing for.

Set some time alone today (even if it’s in a bathroom stall) and pray. Let God know what’s up. Open your Bible and let the words fill you from the inside out. Feast, indulge, and take advantage of the free spiritual food that is available to fully satisfy. Taste and see that He is good. (Psalm 34:8)

Is anyone thirsty? Come and drink—even if you have no money! Come, take your choice of wine or milk—it’s all free! Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength? Why pay for food that does you no good? Listen to me, and you will eat what is good. You will enjoy the finest food. Come to me with your ears wide open. Listen, and you will find life. (Isaiah 55:1-3)

Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name. (Jeremiah 15:16)